The Iron Writer Challenge #111

The Iron Writer Challenge #111

500 Words, 5 Days, 4 Elements 

Challenge #110 Champion


The Authors:

Mathew W. Weaver, Maureen Larter, Dwight Wade

The Elements:

get skinny

Amazing Wate-On

The Bastille

Mason Bees

All characters are Monopoly tokens

Rolling a DoubleMathew W Weaver

Mathew W. Weaver

“Talk to me,”

“They’re inside, Sir. Two hours,” Boot replied, “These are their demands.”

Scottie grabbed the sheet.

After two years of hunting, it had come to this. Squad cars in position, choppers training beams on the building, and the roads cordoned off.

This was the night.

“Hostages?” Scottie demanded.

“Fifteen civilians,” Howitzer said, “A six-man team. We have the getaway driver.”

Scottie crumpled the sheet.

“It’s them.”


Inside the bank, the hostages whimpered in the corner. The Bag of Money sobbed piteously as Iron and Thimble kept watch.

At the other end of the office, Battleship peered out through the curtains.

“Doesn’t look good, boss,” he muttered.

Top smiled.

“Oh, we’ll be fine,” he said, “Relax.”


“Gimme that,”

Scottie grabbed a megaphone and switched it on.

“Top Hat!” he hollered, “We have you surrounded!”


“Boss?” Battleship turned.

Top grinned.


He walked onto the balcony and leaned over the railing.

“Scottie Terrier,” he called, “Long time! Looks like the force really has gone to the dogs!”

Scottie’s hackles rose.

“He’s baiting you, Sir,” Boot whispered, “Don’t fall for it.”

“You’re done, Hat!” Scottie yelled, “We have your driver!”

Howitzer obligingly aimed the searchlight; it fell on Automobile, still struggling between two officers.

Top shrugged.

“Well, you still have my demands,” he replied, “My property in an hour, or these hostages lose. Nice catching up!”

He waved and walked back inside.


“We need to wait them out,” Scottie snarled, “Starve them.”

“Sir, the hostages…?”

“He wouldn’t dare kill. He knows the consequences.”

“We could storm them,” Howitzer said.

“The place is like the goddamn Bastille,” Scottie barked, “I can’t risk it.”

“No other way, Sir,” Boot said, “You’ve gotta take a Chance.”

“I don’t trust Chance,” Scottie snapped.

“No choice, Chief. It’s your roll,” Howitzer drew the deck and held it out.

Scottie scowled and grabbed the card on top.

“Sir?” Boot nudged.

Scottie let it fall.

“Move,” he growled.

“MOVE!” Howitzer boomed, “MOVE OUT!”


The SWAT team stormed in. Train and Thimble sent a hail of fire down the stairs. It didn’t last.

Top grinned and spread his arms as the officers swarmed into the office, unceremoniously dumping Train and Thimble on the floor, handcuffed and still conscious.

“You dropped these,” Scottie said.

Iron fired, and the hostages screamed; Boot returned fire, and he fell. Howitzer tackled Battleship to the ground, pinning him down.

“Scottie, old boy,” Top said, “How’s the wife? Still on those Wate-On pills?”

Scottie walked to him, grinning savagely.

“It’s over, Hat. You’re going away for a long, long time.”

Top smiled, “Oh, I don’t think so, Scottie. So sorry.”

“Cuff him,”

“If you would reach in my pocket, dear boy,” Top said coolly. Boot looked at Scottie, who scowled and nodded.

Boot pulled out a card.

“Is that?” Train gasped.

“YOU PLAYED US!” Battleship bellowed.

“Sorry, boys,” Top said, “Just had the one, and I needed to cut some weight.”

Boot handed the card to Scottie, who flipped it over with a shaking hand.

“I’LL KILL YOU, HAT!” Battleship roared.


Top grinned.

“Well, old boy,” he said, “Guess we’ll have to keep playing, then.”

MonopolyMaureen Larter

Maureen Larter

“If I have to move one more step, I’m going to kick the dice onto the floor!”

“It’s alright for you,” a plaintive voice said. “The last game we had, there was a French guy playing. I landed on ‘Go to Jail” and couldn’t get out for ages. All he kept saying was ‘Oh moi pauvre! Je suis dans le Bastille!’ It was horrid! I had to wait there for more moves than I care to remember.”

“I don’t think I want to move,” remarked an English accented voice from nearby. “I’ve collected money hand over fist ever since I landed on Mayfair!”

Nobody spoke. All that could be heard was a rattling sound. A human hand appeared over the board.

“Look out!” yelled the token over on the west side of the board, under the ridiculous poster on the wall featuring some thin-looking human. “Everybody duck!”

But the dice landed with a clunk as they nearly rolled off the board. When they were still, both dice showed three spots each.

“Whew, that was close!” groaned the token on the Railway Station space. It tried to slip off the edge and hide under the board.

There was muttering from the humans above. The dice were whisked away and a card picked up from the Community Chest pile.

Suddenly all hell broke loose. The board tipped, the tokens were flung to the floor, the money pile scattered into the air, floating down like large snowflakes on a cold Winter breeze.

The humans were shrieking.

“It’s a wasp!”

“It’s a hornet!”

“It’s a swarm of bees!”

There was utter panic, with stamping feet, arms waving furiously and chairs falling with loud bangs and crashes. The humans fled from the room.

The thimble token looked up from under the table where he had landed in the chaos. He rolled his figurative eyes with disgust.

“Stupid humans,” he scoffed. “It’s only a Mason bee and, like Elvis Buzzley, it’s already left the building!”

After about 15 minutes, the humans returned, still cautious and quiet. They gathered up all the tokens, found the cards for the community chest and chance, collected most of the money, securing it with a rubber band, then folded the board and put everything back in the box.

The hat token heard his player mutter as he put the box back on the shelf.

“I wasn’t going to suggest starting again – I was nearly bankrupt anyway.”

Do Not Pass GoDwight Wade

Dwight Wade

“Oh my. It’s so dark in here. What happened?”

“Thimble? Is that you?”

“Yes. Who’s this? I…I can’t see. You sound really muffled.”

“Thimble, it’s me, Top Hat. I’m under some wet paper I think. Actually, it might be a used coffee filter? I can’t really see either. Where are you?”

“I don’t know Hat. Next to some paper I think. A pamphlet maybe. Place De La Bas Til.”

“Place De La Bastille. It’s in France.”

“Sorry, I never was good with names. I’m scared Hat. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Me too Thimble. Me too. I don’t know what’s going on either. One minute we were on the shelf. Then the tumbling. Then the dark.”

“But hey, at least we’re not covered in dust any more. Right Hat?”

“True. But did I mention the coffee grounds?”

“Oh right. Haha. Sorry Hat.”

“Can you wiggle towards me Thimble? I think the others might be further down.”

“I’ll try. Ungh. Hmph. Oh! Yuck. Yeah that’s definitely old coffee. Hey, there you are Hat!”

“Good to see you too Thimble. I think I just heard Car rev his engine. Shall we head further down?”

“Might as well?”


“Car is that you?”

“Wh? What?”

“Car it’s me Top Hat. Are you OK?”

“Me? Yeah. I guess. I was just trying to read this… this…whatever this is. You guys figure out what’s going on?”

“No clue Car. After the tumbling it just got real dark. You have a lot more light here though.”

“Huh. That’s weird Hat. I’ve had the tumbling before. Fallen under the bed a few time but that was nothing like this.”

“Yes. Same here. Say, what’s that you’re reading Car?”

“I don’t know Hat. All I can make out is a picture of a lady. Say’s something about ‘to be SKINNY’. Can’t make out the rest.”

“Strange indeed. I wound up buried in an old coffee filter.”

“How’s Thimble holding up?”

“She’s just fine. She’s just behind me. A little shaken but no worse for wear. She should be here shortly.”

“Good. I think I heard Ship’s horn a while ago. Further down I think.”

“Well, when Thimble gets here…”

“Bees! Oh my word! Hat! Car! Help me!”

“Thimble! We’re here.”

“Oh Hat! It was terrible! I slipped on a banana peel and fell against a piece of rotted wood. I looked up and there were bees pouring out of a nest in one of the knots.”

“Well, they didn’t follow you Thimble. I think you’re OK.”

“Whew! Good! Oh, hey Car.”

“Hey Thimble. Glad you’re OK.”

“Hey, what’s that rumbling? Is that Ship?”

“No Thimble. That’s far too loud. I do believe it’s coming from outside this…whatever this is we’re in.”

“Sounds like a truck.”

“Yes Car it certainly does.”

“Oh! Hat! I’m tumbling again!”

“Try to hold onto something Thimble! Car, are you still there? Car?”

“The rumbling is getting louder Hat! Hat? Hat?!?!”


“Dog! Oh Dog it’s you! Bad Dog, don’t chew on Shoe!”


2015 Dani J. Caile Invitational

The Iron Writer Challenge

The Dani J. Caile

Quirky yet Sardonic


500 Words!

50 Elements!

Take one element from Challenge 59 to Challenge 109,

in order,

and write a 500 word story.

Deadline is Sunday, August 2, 2015

This is an open invitational. Any writer may submit. 

Dani’s story may be seen here.

Submissions will be posted

Sunday August 9, 2015

Challenge 59

Whack a Mole Game, bag of Body Bags, theologian, atheist

Challenge 60

Steampunk Camera, A dried, pressed rose, A glass house, A conveyor Belt

Challenge 61

A lace shawl, revolving doors, image of a fire-eater on a beach at night, duct tape

Challenge 62

Bunsen burner, ski lodge, cactus, bikini

Challenge 63

Cave etchings, wooden club, fur, best/worst pick up line ever

Challenge 64

(2014 Annual Final) – Pet fairy, Acquired savant syndrome, letter to future self, as many homonyms as possible

Challenge 65

Anthony E Pratt, a Room, a Weapon, a Character

Challenge 66

(Grudge 6) – one of the main characters has a paper bag on their head, Rav Shaul, keywords from 8 processes of beer making in sequence, format of a radio script

Challenge 67

Dice, The Gods, Cocktails, Irrigation Boots

Challenge 68

Rock, paper, scissors, shaving cream

Challenge 69

The King and Queen of the Zombie Masquerade Ball, Thornwood tableware, Fly Ranch Geyser, as many Janus words as possible

Challenge 70

Demolition derby, light sabres, mud wrestling, roman candles

Challenge 71

(2015 Summer Open Preliminary Round) Minion Dave, image, Avengers and Justice League in a bar playing pool, travelling chamber pot salesperson, story must be told from the point of view of the Death, the Grim Reaper

Challenge 72

Repeated unsuccessful attempts at starting a campfire/fireplace fire, favorite childhood memory that actually is a lie, funeral of a stranger, sign “fail”

Challenge 73

(2015 Summer Open Final) lost key, travel brouchure, thermostat, Dessert topping

Challenge 74

A horse, umbrella, car battery, told from the point of view of a defense attorning invoking the Stupidity Defense. (The attorney pleas stupidity, rather than insanity)

Challenge 75

(Grudge 7) – halberdier, one (and only one) of the characters must be aware of the audience, must be written entirely as dialogue, the story must take place at the Dairy Queen.

Challenge 76

(Grudge 8) – A Pink Fairy Armadillo, A Mason Jar, Mount St. Helen, A Wii U

Challenge 77

A Suit of Armor, A Pitcher’s Mound, Gluten Free, Locke’s Socks

Challenge 78

A Poodle, A Thimble, An Alarm, Birds as Characters

Challenge 79

Genetically Enhanced Garden Gnomes, Camelot, Halitosis, Stratego

Challenge 80

Furby, Peel Trident car, a lost Emperor, Dr Pepper

Challenge 81

(Grudge 10)- bear on a unicycle, all characters are household objects, homemade fireworks, Ninja weaponry

Challenge 82

A Arnold Schwarzenegger Commando Action Figure, A New (10th) Circle of Hell (meaning you have to make it up and give it a title), The Dunning Kruger Effect, Perfume Atomizer

Challenge 83

Image of seeing people standing over a grave, Saggitians, theme song people would play if you walked into a room, W7JFQ ham radio call sign

Challenge 84

84 – Autumn Equinox Prelims – Misophonia, Stockholm Syndrome, Something found on a deceased body that would be an embarrassment to the family, Told from the point of view of an interview of someone not yet born

Challenge 85

2014 Autumn Open – Learn to train your wife in 5 easy lessons (picture), If you are male, you must write your story from the wife’s negative point of view. If you are female, you must write the story from the husband’s positive point of view.Main Character suffers from Pseudobulbar Affect. Breast Cancer

Challenge 86

(Mathew W Weaver Challenge) – A Batarang, A goat’s hoof, Home brewed maple syrup, A pickled frog

Challenge 87

(Pitman/Caile Challenge) – Gloustershire annual cheese rolling competition, Ping Pong, A group of Old West cowboys sitting around a campfire, An inept hitman

Challenge 88

(Richard Russell Challenge) – A bouquet of flowers in a trash can, Draw inspiration from “The Pretender” by Jackson Browne, A critically important secret military message, Encroaching storm clouds

Challenge 89

(DL Mackenzie Challenge) – A Montblanc Fountain Pen, Vengeance, Telekinesis, The Tigris River

Challenge 90

Image of two snails kissing while balancing on floating cherries in water, the Drake Equation, Guy Fawkes Night, fried Bologna sandwich cookoff

Challenge 91

(Steven L Bergeron Challenge) – Carnegie Hall, Prostate Cancer, Facial Hair, Barbershop Quartet

Challenge 92

Molasses flood, a Hobson Choice, the last person alive on Earth, a quilting bee

Challenge 93

Soylent Beige (drink), Tap dance shoes, steampunk tiger, half a can of flat Dr. Pepper

Challenge 94

Han Solo refrigerator, A jury summons, A tame dinosaur, The story must begin OR end with: “Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?”

Challenge 95

Bacon, a pair of skis, a group of faceless aliens in green silver suits -4 – first one putting hand up ‘halt’ or ‘hi’, Takanakuy

Challenge 96

(2014 Winter Solstice Preliminary Round) – A grieving boy, Growing up and growing old, An imprisoning life, An adventuresome journey

Challenge 97

(2014 Winter Solstice Final) – 1968 Elvis Presley Comeback Special, someone mowing/cutting grass, a note left on a car, argyle socks

Challenge 98

Botticelli game, long hair, Tiger lily, Steampunk goggles

Challenge 99

(cartoon image of writer (Sylvester the Cat) drinking coffee, smoking and trying to write, a howdah, Told from a POV of an alien who views humans both as food and pets, floor buffer)

Challenge 100

Anhydrous ammonia, White chocolate or dark chocolate, A flagpole, image of knight being held by 3 guards

Challenge 101

Venice Frozen (see image below), A lame llama, Straight jacket, A thumb match to settle a grudge

Challenge 102

An event that changes a character’s personality, A measuring tape, Tetherball, Haggis

Challenge 103

Iron Handcuffs, Barn owls, A light bulb salesperson, A Bumper sticker

Challenge 104

The next to the last person alive on Earth, image of woman reading a book in a windowseat in a house, you have written the best story you could have ever wrote. Tell me about it. A lawn mower blade

Challenge 105

(A Tribute to Dr. Seuss) – Written in Dr. Seuss Style, Any Dr. Seuss Character, Any machine from a Dr. Seuss book, not associated with the character you chose, Any Dr. Seuss theme not associated with the character or machine (what he was really saying in one of his books)

Challenge 106

Young Woman with a Book, If I were God, A terra cotta soldier from China, The last line must be: “Who do you think you are?”

Challenge 107

The Tiger Next Monastery, An imponderable question (such as, but not this one: Can God make a object too heavy for him to lift?), A débutante, The person who cleans public restrooms

Challenge 108

(2015 Spring Open Prelims) – Artemis, a Dilettante, Jello Wrestling, a Moon Rock

Challenge 109

(2015 Spring Open Final) – Venice, Astigmatism, Magma, a Solid Plutonium Halberd

The Iron Writer Challenge #112

The Iron Writer Challenge #112

500 Words, 5 Days, 4 Elements 

Challenge #111 Champion


The Authors:

Jaclyn Wilson, Neal Sayatovich, Tina Biscuit

The Elements:

love cactus

A love cactus

A carrier pigeon

Bath Salts

The Pyramids

Stories will be posted

May 7, 2015