2 thoughts on “Weekend Quickie #65

  1. Billy was the school bully. He was mean, and cruel, but no one would ever snitch on Billy.

    Matt, “the moron”, as Billy called him, was fed-up with Billy’s cruelty, and spent many hours thinking of ways to end the reign of terror. “This kind of thing has to be done delicately,” he would say.

    So, Matt went into the cafeteria, waited for Billy to enter and then started to eat like a pig.

    Just as Billy was about to dump Matt’s tray in his lap, Matt blurted out, “ I can eat more than you!”
    “Hmph!” Billy snorted. “I can do everything better than you.”
    Matt retorted, “A contest, then? I bet I can eat more hot dogs in five minutes than you.”

    All the nerds gathered around as the two began the contest.

    “Ready? GO!” The seconds clicked by as the two dove into their respective piles of hot dogs. Billy, was gulping down hot dogs with hardly a breath between them.

    That’s when I noticed Matt reach down, lift up Billy’s foot and place it on Billy’s plate. Billy never noticed. He was eating and gulping so fast, he swallowed his foot, then his leg, and before anyone was aware of what was happening, Billy had swallowed himself up, and was gone.

    Matt stood up. “Well, we all knew Billy was completely full of himself.”

    Then, all the nerds around the table cheered over their victory.

    It was murder, I tell you. I just can’t prove it.

  2. “You…you murdered him!”
    The hairs on the back of my neck still sizzled and burned, my face caught in the rigors of a grimace of hate as the sounds of Mancini played in the background.
    “Yes! He was a moron! Victory is mine!” I wiped the blood from my fingers which had penetrated his windpipe on my apron, fingers that had seen the worst of opening jars of pickles for him every day, and tightened my ponytail, loosened in the last moments of his death struggle, with the help of the restaurant-length mirror on the wall.
    “You’re…you’re a murderer!”
    “He deserved it! No more complaints from him!”
    My fellow worker backed away slowly, her large wide eyes threatening to drop out of her white frightened face. Customers took what they could of their possessions and food and ran for the door, parents protecting their children, old women tip-tapping their zimmer frames across the tiled floor. One glance from me quickened their pace.
    “I feel…I feel full of exhileration! Yes!” I took his full refill cup he always used five times a day and poured the coffee over his head, glaring into his vacant eyes. “Try and refill it now!”
    “But…but you killed him!” She was dialling for the emergency services on the phone behind the counter. I picked up his plate and threw his usual order of le coq au vin over his limp body.
    “What did he expect? That’s the last time he gives me a 5% tip! Ha!”

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