Weekend Quickie #55 (Sunday Edition)

You just got pulled over by a cop for speeding. You are poor, and way too clever to get a ticket. Write down the scenario below with what you would say to get out of it… It is never too late to practice the art of B.S.

No more than 300 Words

No more than 10 minutes

Set your timers. GO!

 

 

3 thoughts on “Weekend Quickie #55 (Sunday Edition)

  1. True story…ish…almost no bullshit…

    I spun my alloy wheels and thrust my XR3i into first, smoking up Death corner over by the old church, chasing after my pals in their dinky Fiesta. Last to the Old Hare had to pay for the whole round. Only Tuk and Goodge agreed to ride with me. It didn’t take long for those flashing blue lights to fill up my rearview mirror.
    “Good evening, sir. Would you mind stepping out of the car, please.”
    My Fiesta pals had already parked up nearby and were taunting the pigs from a safe distance.
    “Do you know what speed you were doing around that corner, sir?”
    “I think about 35mph, officer, well within the speed limit.”
    “It’s a 20mph zone around that corner, sir. Please blow into this bag.”
    “Sure.”
    I blew from my mouth rather than my lungs, filling the bag so it wouldn’t detect the 5 pints of cider I’d just drunk. Tuk and Goodge sat quietly in the car, smiling at the pigs when they popped their heads in.
    “Clear off, ya pigs! We know where ya live!” shouted one of the girls from the Fiesta.
    The pigs checked the breathalyser and found me to be clear but were becoming increasingly aggitated by the commotion over by the Fiesta. Especially when a stone found its place through one of their sidedoor windows.
    “Thank you, sir. Remember to always look at the road signs, they’re there for a reason. Don’t do it again. Have a nice evening.”
    “Thank you, officer.”
    We watched as they marched across the road, stopping the traffic as they did, and demanded IDs from all those present. When we got to the Old Hare, I still had to pay for the round, though, ’cause the others never arrived.

  2. Good afternoon, officer. How may I assist you?
    Why yes, here’s my license, and registration.
    Yes, Ma’am, I was traveling fifty miles pr hour.
    Yes, I was aware this is a forty five speed zone.
    No, I’m not having a baby.
    No, I’m not on my way to the hospital.
    Actually, I saw you parked there.
    Well, I couldn’t think of any other way to get your attention.
    I see you in your patrol car almost everyday as I pass by, on my way to work, and you look so attractive in your uniform. Ya know, an attractive woman in uniform is very sexy.
    No, I’m not trying to pervert justice.
    I thought you might wanna go out with me.
    We might be able to pervert something … later on … tonight.
    Oh, yes, you can bring your handcuffs.
    Well, that’s why I married a police woman; you’ve got those shiny cuffs.
    Ok then, I’ll pick you up at the station; around nine?
    Yes, sweetheart, I’ll slow down …. for you.

  3. I hit the intersection at around fifty and got lit up from behind by a state boy. I knew better. I’d seen people tagged here before. Shit, state troopers were the worst. I pulled over and cranked my window down after trying ever so stealthily to put on my seatbelt without the obvious reaching motion. I didn’t need a fine for that on top of whatever else I was going to get. Hopefully I wouldn’t get anything if the cop bought into anything I was about to say.

    “Good afternoon. Do you know why I have stopped you sir?” said the trooper.

    I put on a shamed looked, my eyes wide, and said, “Was I going too fast? Oh my gosh I must have been. I’m so sorry.”

    “You were going 50 in a 35,” the trooper said. “License and registration please.”

    I handed him my credentials and he walked back to his cruiser. After a few minutes he returned.

    “It looks like you have a couple of prior stops for speeding. I am going to have to issue you a violat–”

    “Oh no, please sir, let me explain,” I said. Before he could answer I kept on going. “See I was just on my way to the bank to make a deposit so that the hospital wouldn’t turn down my mother’s dialysis treatment! I was in a rush because the hospital has become so disgruntled with us not being able to make regularly timely payments after I lost my job a year ago. I just don’t know what to do.” I started to well up some tears in my eyes for added effect.

    The officer finished writing the ticket and handed it to me despite my act. “Sir, you may not know this, but I see your mother every Sunday at First Lutheran. Tell her Tom says hello. Have a good day.”

    I told you, state troopers are the worst.

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