The Iron Writer Weekend Quickie #19


The Iron Writer Weekend Quickie #19

The Twelve Days of Christmas – Day Six

One Picture

One Element

One Emotion

200 Words

Diorama of an Automobile Gas Station

Six Geese a Laying, who will only lay to the sound of ABBA

Uncle Boom-Boom, your mother’s sister’s second husband

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5 thoughts on “The Iron Writer Weekend Quickie #19

  1. Part 6

    The street led out to a riverbank frequented by OAPs on benches. A few of them looked shocked.
    “Excuse have you…?”
    They all pointed downriver, and Brad saw the man some distance ahead.
    “You! Stop! Stop this nonsense now!”
    The man turned to him and laughed. This was not the same man he saw playing the piano. Yes, he looked the same, but something had changed, something inside.
    “Who’s going to stop me? You and your Uncle Boom-Boom, your mother’s sister’s second husband? Muhahaha!”
    The man was completely crazy!
    Brad tried to grab him but he moved too fast. The crazy man hit something on his device and the man’s hands grew to an immense size. Ignoring Brad’s attempts at stopping him, he picked out six geese who were brooding on eggs in the reeds.
    “I will take six geese and they will lay!”
    He now danced a strange jig along the riverbank, while holding all six geese in one hand.
    “Six geese a laying! Six geese a laying only to the sounds of ABBA!”
    Before Brad could think, the man picked up a car from a nearby fisherman’s carpark with his other enormous hand and threw it at him.

  2. The old man was confined to bed. Suddenly, the quiet of the sickroom was rent with the muffled sound of a kindle being flung onto the bed.

    The nurse picked up the e-book reader. ‘What’s wrong?’

    ‘What’s right?’ he grumbled. ‘But to be specific, what’s right about this?’ He grabbed the kindle and hit the page-turner. ‘Here. The main character says, “Go see Uncle Boom-Boom, your mother’s sister’s second husband.” I mean, who talks like that?’

    The nurse smiled. ‘Well, Mr M, you did get the book for free. What do you expect?’

    ‘Harrumph,’ he muttered. ‘Amateurville.’

    She picked up the kindle, ‘“To the sound of ABBA, the six geese produced six golden eggs”.’ She looked up. Six geese-a-laying? Is it about the Twelve Days of Christmas?’

    ‘Nope, it’s about a giant who plays with cars in a parking lot as if they were Dinky Toys,’ he complained. ‘An allegory.’

    ‘Of what?’

    ‘How drugs take hold of a person. Of Mafia “families”, of—’

    ‘The second husband bit?’

    He nodded. ‘And the illusion of being a giant manipulator…too silly for words.’ He sighed. ‘And you know what’s the most irritating frustration?’ He glared at her. ‘I don’t even have the satisfaction of slamming the book shut!’

  3. “Day six, Darby—“

    I hit the stop button. Wow, did I seriously waste a credit on this shit? I exited to the library and clicked on “The Twelve Days of Death” and removed it from my device.

    The deletion sound didn’t satisfy me near as much as I was hoping for. I wanted my credit back.

    The Audible website came up with a few clicks and I noticed right on the home page a link advertising a “hassle free return policy”.

    I clicked it.

    “If you are not satisfied in any way with your Audible purchase, you may return it at any time for a full refund, no questions asked!”

    Good. No need for some excuse about how my wife’s sister’s second husband, Boom Boom, suggested I buy the title because it was authored by the reincarnation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. No explaining to Audible how full of shit that was and that I wasn’t listening further about six geese a’ layin’ death unless it included Take A Chance On Me as an inspirational backing track.

    I hit the “Refund” button. My mouse hand felt godlike, huge and empowered by customer-friendly business practices.

    One credit refunded.

    What now?

  4. Episode 6

    FX: Train sounds at moderate speed

    Narrator – “Jack’s memories of his younger days began to flood into his consciousness.”

    Jack – “But there was a time I felt loved.”

    Narrator – “Jack stood up and began to pace back and forth the length of the boxcar.”

    Jack – “It was back when I was living with Mamie, My Mother’s sister. Man, I loved her. She was married to Danny, at the time, her second husband. Danny was the strongest man I’d ever known. He told me I ought to always have more than one source of income; said if it was good to have one goose that lays a golden egg, it’d be better to have six; in case a fox gets one. Then he would break out in a rendition of ABBA’s song “Money, Money, Money”. He was a champion boxer; “Boom Boom” they called him for his devastating one/two punches, but the man treated his wife with “kid gloves”; so tender and loving; treated me the same way.

    He told me about the day he was pulling out of a parking lot and just before he pulled out into the street, his car stopped cold. Said the engine was still running, he even stepped on the gas and it raced, but the car didn’t move. It was as if an angel or something had grabbed the car and held it back, and right at that second some hot-rod kid came flying down the road about 50 miles an hour and would have killed him. Danny told me it was God who saved him, and from that day on he knew God was real. I wish I did”

    Narrator – “Jack stopped pacing, stood motionless, and raised his hands to the sky; as if to catch something .”

    Jack – (in a broken but inquisitive tone) “Are you real?”

    Narrator- “ Jack walked over by the door, sat on the floor, and peering out through a gap, mused to himself”

    Jack – “Hmmm, Six geese all laying golden eggs. That’d be nice.”

    FX; Train sounds continuing at moderate speed, then fading

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